10 Cosmic Practical Jokes

LaughterI have had many twists and turns throughout the years I have been on Earth. Each breath has brought me new possibilities to learn. I learned to walk, ride my bike, kiss a girl, and the joys of parenthood. Of all the lessons that have been ingrained in my head, there are moments, lessons really, that rear their ugly head from time to time. Observations, if you will, of things that can be seen as cosmic practical jokes. I started a list of these things that frustrate, cause outbreaks of panic and made me realize that someone out there has a seriously sick sense of humor.

  1. I have learned that not only is there not a free lunch but you usually have to pick up the tab for the others at your table. Everything has a price. Sometimes, you end up paying someone else’s bill.
  2. The waiting room of a doctor’s office does not have a magazine from this year or even this century in some cases. If you do finally find an article that you are interested in, your name will be called and you will have to leave it, never to see it again.
  3. You only truly have to use the bathroom when there isn’t one available for miles. After frantically searching, you get there and find out you don’t have to go as badly as you felt you did.
  4. The one day in a weeks that you can sleep in late, is the day that you naturally wake up early- never to be able to find sleep again.
  5. You meet someone who you completely connect with only to find that they are committed to someone else. Then when they finally realize what they are missing out on and leave their situation, you have already moved on.
  6. The situations you have learned the most from, are the ones, when at the time they were happening, felt like your world was ending. Looking back on these situations and their lessons, they seemed minor.
  7. When you feel you have created a masterpiece,  your greatest creation and then look back upon years later, you realize it is equivalent to your first finger painting project.
  8. The day after you scrape money together to fill your gas tank, you car will break down. This is almost as sure as the sun rising in the morning.
  9. After months of seeking a willing partner in your sexual escapades, you finally find someone incapacitated enough; be it drunk, desperate, or out to get even with someone, and it happens to be the one night of the decade that you are unable to go home with them.
  10. It doesn’t matter what car you buy, when you first get it, you are meticulous about keeping every speck of dirt off it. Months later, it looks like the overflowing trashcan from the local fast food joint.

This collection is not all inclusive by any means. I am sure if I sit here for a while longer, I will be able to add at least another ten. That would only prove to be disappointing and cruel. Some things are better left inside the dark corners of my mind, if only to have something to write about in the future.

Until next time…

jerryb.

© 2009

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1 Comment on 10 Cosmic Practical Jokes

  1. Excellent post! We are linking to this particularly great article on oour site.
    Keeep up thhe great writing.

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