And the hell of it is what we are
We finish and wish we could start again
Our skin tears away
As our memories fade with age
And we don’t even know ’til it’s gone?
I was thinking today on thing from my past and the lessons that I have learned. I wonder if I sabotage each of the relationships I have been because I haven’t figure out how they are supposed to work. We have this fairy tale image of what they are supposed to be like when we look at the movies. Not matter how disastrous it begins we still think in the end it will work out. If it is working out in the beginning we are looking for the reason of failure.
Once failure arrives, either by our own hands or by that of our partner, we scramble to save the pieces out of desperation. We try to talk through it and look for the things that are broken. We try to hard to fix it and forget why we were there in the first place. Mayhem and broken dream follow. Until the day it is over and you have nothing left by shattered memories and an aching heart. Searching for the answers as to what happened. That is easy, we happened.
We happened to it and there is only ourselves to blame. We tried too hard or not hard enough. We lost site of the fact a relationship is a partnership that requires each to bring something to the table. There are sacrifices in other aspects of our lives to make it work. We have to make time for each other and make an effort if you want it to happen. Words alone will not put the pieces together. Actions and honesty will keep it from falling apart.
So lie like a waste by the side
As everything just falls apart
‘Cause everything just fell apart for me
So, what to do when it does fall apart? There are multiple answers to this question. We could walk away and leave the past in the past. Then you will lay awake at night and wonder if that was the right decision and sometimes it is. We could try to put the pieces back together but in only rare cases this can work.
Stepping back to remember why you were there in the first place and seeing if the direction each are heading is the same. This takes both parties to agree on. Fear of loss will generally push you to try again, even if it isn’t for the right reason. In the end only the two of you will know what course to take.
I wonder if the reason I am still wander out in the world of failed relationships is my lack of understanding or is it my desire to be with the wrong people. Those that are unavailable or cannot commit to being in the partnership of a relationship. Each person I am with satisfies a need that I have in some way but do they satisfy the majority of the needs that make the relationship worth while? My heart leads me into these issues that I have and the fear of losing the things that I enjoy keeps me beating my head against the wall. Is my life made up of a collage of different people who provide bits and pieces of my emotional and physical needs? Some stimulate my mind, while others make me laugh. There are so many connection on so many levels and each of them bring forth a little bit of happiness.
When do we meet the person that completes and provides the whole package for us? Do we ever or do we settle for what is here right now? I guess that there are times when I want these answers and when I don’t need them at all. Which of these two mindsets is the real me?
And I don’t feel the need to go on
I was happier singing along the way
I had things, I need to say