Peaceful Easy Feeling…

The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Peacefulness. Not the quiet of nothing happening but the feeling that you get when you realize that things are the way they are and you are ok with it. You fight so hard for many things to make them work and realize that you forgot the reasons you were fighting. Looking back on many things from relationships to careers, I notice that the road is a constant battle but we lose sight of why we were going through the steps in the first place.

Recently, I looked at a situation that I have been going back and forth on for almost a year now and wonder why? I mean, it isn’t as if it will be resolved. I think that there is hope but the hope is dimming. Some things should just be let go of and taken as a life experience. You can look for someone to share things with you but if they don’t want to take the journey then you must let it go. If you do not, then you are wasting your life and that is too precious to squander on things that will never be.

But I’m on the outside, I’m lookin in.
I can see through you, see your true colors.

I started this off with the comment about “peacefulness”. Let me get back to that thought. Peace comes from the understanding what is happening. It is the realization that the reality is yours alone. Our wants, perceived needs and idea of what should be are ours alone. We cannot project them on others. Once you realize that our perception of reality has no bearing on the rest of the world and become expectant of this, you will find peace.

I know I’ve been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I’ve made
I’ve got some imperfections
Staind…Right Here

My perception of reality could be considered strange or different from others. I imagine we can all say that to some extent. I tend to look beyond the surface and see what lies beneath, the weaving or threads of many lives in a pattern.

Do I have doubts and insecurities? Yes.

Do I look for things to be more than they are? Yes.

It is a struggle some days as I walk through the house and am haunted by memories and dream of a different future. I see the family that is not going to be there. The laughter of making dinner with someone who wants to be a part of this life. The emotions that flow through the walls of a future that won’t exist. This sense of peacefulness comes from these images and feelings. It is an understanding of that even though you feel a loss of what never happened, you also feel the joy of what will.

There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other’s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
Daughtry…Over You

Look beyond the loss and insecurities to find that spark of hope. Not for what you wanted but for the fact that every moment you exist you have one more memory, one more thought, one more feeling of emotion and one more chance to have what you want. I have had questions of faith and hope. I have lost and regained my sense of belief more times than I can count. Through this, I find that that belief isn’t in others but in oneself. That belief is what give us the spark of hope for the next moment.

© 2009

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