Where is my muse?

Where is the muse? The deity that inspires us to create and guides us to take up our art has not made a visit to me in what seems like and eternity. Her presence has not been felt in the past week and I say her because as in most mythology, my imagination goes to a dark hairs goddess sporting her flowing toga. Not a very modern idea, I know, but one that is hard to dispel.

The life of a career, a student, a partner and a parent can bring many challenges to balance all the parts that make us who we are. Some are a requirement and others are a need. I hold each of the moments with my love precious and get protective of the time that I have with her. As a parent, my need is driven to be the best that I can be for my children, learning as they learn how to transition from one level to the next and hoping beyond hope that each decision is the right one for their future.

Being a student brought challenges in the past week as a deadline loomed and the desire to produce my best writing drove me to moments of frustration and inspiration danced away from me. I am over the hump with the paper and only the final edits are remaining for the next week as the class comes to a close. It is not the essay I intended it to be but one that has passed the test of compliance. I look forward to putting this class behind me and moving to the next.

As said before, my career, at one time, would define who I was. In the recent past, this focus has changed. The downfall is the apathy that comes with realization that it is just a job and each hour there is counted down. Seeking the moment where I can turn off the lights, shut down the computer and pack my things up for the evening. I rush out the door to start my evening with family and my partner.

My thoughts rarely leave her as I move through my day. The person I have sought since the moment of birth has been found. I wake to the look that crosses her face as I chase away the sleep, the routine of the morning is an exercise in restraint. Our desire to shut the door on the real world and slip back into bed is strong and requires discipline beyond what I knew before to not give in to the need. Each moment ticks away until the moment when I will leave the outside world at the closed-door of our bedroom to have the time for us.

The final piece of my life comes from my friends. Those people who I reach out to here as words on a screen to those that I enjoy in person conversations. I fill the moments with conversations and the sharing of ideas that warm me in ways I hadn’t given them a chance to in a previous life. Supporting each other in the good times where laughter prevails to the inevitable situations where a shoulder is needed to nuzzle against in the darker moments that life presents them.  Whether we are able to sit across from each other or only exist in the realm of word and images, each is just as important in my life as the next. The limitations of distance no longer exist.

Where is my muse? She has sees my life is full of many moments that need my attention. She stands back in the shadows waiting for the time when she may step into the light to give me the inspiration to my hovering fingers and let the emotions flow to the screen. I think I may see her movements as I type this. There is a hint of a smile and sparkle in her eyes as she nods to me. Maybe soon, she will whisper in my ear again.

Until next time…

~jerry b

© 2009

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  1. The Chase « Trip Through My Mind

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