Lessons Learned (Or Not)

Kill me romantically
Fill my soul with vomit
Then ask me for a piece of gum
Bitter and dumb
You’re my sugarplum
You’re awful, I love you!
Ludo…Love Me Dead!

The words resound in your head with songs and the lyrics you can understand. There is always something about us that wants to connect to people who aren’t good for us. Some of them are friends, some are lovers, and others are just people who are better left in the past. We are all creatures of a social world as I have previously mentioned. The problem lies in the wanting to connect to people that we know better.

We all subject ourselves to this point of misery in order to capture a feeling, a moment in time or to stay in a comfortable place that we know. How many people do you know are in relationships that are not good for one side or another? You wonder why they are not seeing what you see in the situation. That is the benefits of being on the sidelines and observing. We each have to make our own mistakes and try to learn from them. Our nature doesn’t always allow us to get the lessons from the situation and we make the same mistakes over and over again.

Had to turn,
Lay down,
You’re sting of disease,
Phase you,
should’ve seen this coming,
Go on,
Confusing the soul,
Hold my breath,
Til you rupture!

My issue with all this is why do we do it? I can understand the wanting of acceptance from someone but, why do we pick, the people we do? I personally can look back and see hindsight that the situation wasn’t good on many levels but we fought for it anyway. We look for those that are unavailable, injured, immature, and lost then try to make something work with them. I see my friends doing the same things over and over again. We don’t listen when we are warned to stay away. We charge in and think that “this time it will be different”. In the end, it is the same things over and over again. We are not only social creatures but also one of habit.

Pain, without love
Pain, I can’t get enough
Pain, I like it rough
‘Cause I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all
Three Days Grace…Pain

What I keep trying to figure out is how to break that cycle. If you burn your hand on a hot pan you wouldn’t grab a pan so quickly the next time. Yet we will stumble back into the same pain of heartache over and over expecting different results. Is the pain of the heart that much different. Looking back over the past years, I see that my choices haven’t always been the most sound. Those people you think you want in your life do not want you in theirs. The ones that you care for can’t decide if they want to give things a shot to see what happens. In the end, you settle.

Run away run away
With the pain
That I told you once I could not spare
Its only satisfaction was fear
Tantric…Live Your Life

Why do you do this? The answer is actually fairly easy. We have hope. We believe that somewhere out there, there is someone who will complete us. I for one know that it is true. This is the reason that we wake up every morning and the reason that we smile. I will follow this piece of hope and am willing to suffer all the pain that comes with heartache for that one chance that somewhere out there, there is someone who will want to share the experience. Someone that will be able to share the joy of the life we live.

They are out there. Do you have enough hope to keep searching?

Until next time…

© 2010


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