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Southern Girls and Work Place Perversions

08 Jun

It gets a little nerve wracking to come up with things that inspire an idea that is worthy of putting on the screen. As you can tell from my absence for long periods of time, I occasionally get a little case of writer’s block or commonly called “mental constipation”. No, let’s not confuse that with “diarrhea of the mouth”; which I often suffer from on a regular basis. So, as I was saying, there are times where writing isn’t easy and I tend to seek out things to kick start the ideas again. One of the ways that has been found is to inquire if anyone has questions they could never seem to find the answer or are afraid to ask outside this nifty little electronic world. On one such occasion, in 2008, I was looking for such questions. I was surprised by some of the questions, got a few dates out of others, and learned that there are subjects no man should try to answer, no matter how desperate for a topic to write.  

Well, like any panicked person, in an uncomfortable situation, I end up reverting to a low-brow subject: sex. I just couldn’t bring myself to flatulence jokes and any thought process higher just made my head ache. I dug deep into the list of questions I had received and pulled out the two that, hopefully, wouldn’t get me banned from the site for inappropriate subject matter. So, without further delay, let the Q&A begin.  

Is it true that southern girls do it better?  

Well, the first thing I have to wonder is what “it” is? The second observation was, being the dirty minded male that I am, was to define “it” as some form of carnal expertise. If that is the definition that you had in mind with your question, and then I must make a confession, I do not believe I have ever enjoyed “it” with a true southern girl or a southern lady for that matter.  

I set out to do a little research, being the thorough person I am, and could not find a decent definition of southern girl on the internet. However, I did find some really nice websites with generous images of gingham print halter tops and daisy duke shorts in all shapes and sizes. I didn’t waste more than four or five hours sorting through the websites and a few charges on my credit card before I moved on to other research methods. 

Then I realized, there aren’t any other methods of research. I couldn’t look it up in my public library and since I am not exactly from the South, I really didn’t have many local resources. Well, there is that one but she is married. Georgia is considered the South right?  

So, I think it is time to start planning a trip during the winter months down south like all the other snowbirds. With my limited budget and short timeframe, I will not have the chance to explore the subject completely. I wonder if I find a willing participant in my search on whether the southern girls can do it better. Will I actually meet one? I do not believe Daisy or Savannah, whom I might meet at the Georgia truck stop and South Carolina strip clubs will be considered a true Southern Girl.  

Then the question will be, “what is going to be my comparison?” I guess my next trip will have to be up North. Oh wait, what about East Coast and West Coast comparison? Research is going be a tiring task that I hope I am up for.

Is it ok to have solo “fun time” while at work?

Absolutely! Since this question came from one of my female readers, I say the more you do, the better the work day will be. No longer is that special solo moment reserved for the perverted computer technician that is stuffed away in the environmentally controlled server room while he spends the company’s resources on high speed internet porn. Ladies it is time to embrace the urge and live a little!

The talk around the chat rooms has brought to my attention that more of you ladies out there do this more than you realize. And yes, I did hang out in some interesting chat room.  It seems a little fantasy while answering the phone opens up a whole new world of possibilities when you don’t have to limit yourself to the parking garage or the drive home in rush hour. Slip off to an empty file room or the bathroom down the hall and let your freak flag fly.

Keep in mind that there are some protocols when exploring the work day solo nooner. Remember that you should use a remote, private bathroom in a different part the building. You don’t want to have your moment of triumph explode out of your vocal cords in earshot of the lady who is sitting next to you. Clearly, you don’t want your romantic moment interrupted by the person in the stall next to you performing a courtesy flush.   

A warning that comes to mind is performing your mid-day love affair at your desk may add to the excitement but, it makes for awkward moments when someone sneaks up behind you to offer you some birthday cake or to ask where the staples are kept.

So, read your naughty text messages, IM your secret online virtual lover, and email the perverted computer technician for the best porn sites. Reach out to your new limits on experiences, always remember to wash your hands; none of that Purell stuff for this extracurricular work duty. Above all, always remember, you’re on candid camera and the security office is quite boring most days. So smile at the peak moment to let us know you’re thinking of us.

Until next time…

jerry b

© 2008 & 2012 

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1 Comment

Posted by on June 8, 2012 in Humor

 

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One response to “Southern Girls and Work Place Perversions

  1. mrjet

    June 9, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    I always thought that what Southern Girls did better was make grits. I can’t believe that I would wrong on that one.

    Of course, Brian Wilson claims its the way they talk.

     

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