Driving in rush hour traffic is something that must be faced when you are part of the corporate treadmill. Travelling one-way for an hour can be tedious with very few bright moments. Entertainment can be found in imagining stories behind the drivers in the cars around you. In the Ford ahead of you, the driver puts on makeup as she eases through 10 mph traffic; she could be an executive or work in retail. In the work truck beside you the driver may be nursing a hangover from the night before and not just be stressed out ready to blow. The aggressive driver behind you is trying to pass but you are conveniently entertaining yourself by closing each opportunity. As he lays on the horn and makes obscene gestures, you wonder what are the triggers for road rage and exactly how far can you push the line. This is the modern day entertainment that begins my work day. I smile to myself as I realize entertainment can be found anywhere. Then suddenly I lose my good humor.
Just a few cars ahead of me to the right was a brand new BMW sedan. As all beautiful BMWs should be, it had high polished black paint, tinted windows, and the distinctive logo. What caused my mood to crumble was next to the BMW logo was a poorly placed bumper sticker. The sticker was skewed and bright pink, promoting some random idea that had little worth for the viewing public.
Who would do something so stupid?
Why would anyone buy a $60,000 car and slap a fifty-cent, obnoxious day-glo pink bumper sticker on the trunk. The driver’s first mistake was putting the sticker on the car at all. Then after that idiotic thought, why put the gaudy sticker on the trunk? Obviously the mental deficiency that allowed the beamer owner to get this far extended even further into laziness as they could not even take a few more seconds to put the damn thing on straight. Some of us will work our whole lives and not even come close to having the ability to afford a car of this caliber. Here I am sitting in stopped traffic, trying desperately to advert my eyes from the highly offensive example of bad taste. Defacing the BMW with the obnoxious sticker seems like the equivalent to drawing a mustache on the Mona Lisa.
I am finally able to pull up alongside the driver, lean over enough to look over and witness the owner of this rolling offense. Sitting behind the wheel is nothing less than a Jersey Shores’ reject. Her black hair is teased 80s style and framing collagen- filled lips that would embarrass Angelina Jolie. The leopard print steering wheel cover almost matched her blouse and at this point, I have lost all hope for humanity.
Bumper stickers do have their place. Without bumper stickers plastered all over it, that twenty-year-old rust-bucket, in the lane next to you, might not stay held together long enough to arrive at its destination. Bumper stickers are from a time past when bumpers were made of metal and you could hide the rust beneath a sticker. In many cases, bumper stickers were more stylish and durable than Duct tape. However, with today’s cars, it seems that the sun has set on our adhesive friends. With all the body parts painted on cars now, bumper stickers do nothing more than ruin the paint and deface an otherwise beautifully styled car.
With a final scornful glance at the driver, I think to myself there is a man out there who has to deal with this woman and I truly pity him. With a deep sigh, I close off another opportunity for the red-faced driver behind me and move on through the morning rush hour.
Until next time…