A night on the town and drinking with friends can be a memorable experience. It also can be a black hole in your memory as well. Things can get a little out of hand when reasoning checks out after the first few drinks. In a previous post, “A Moment of Clarity and Rules for Drinking”, I mentioned some simple rules, but I left out one of the most important ones. Leave it to a reader to point that out. As you enjoy the increase in your buzz and the slow loss of your common sense, remember that this is not the moment where you should pull out your phone and drunk dial.
Let’s first define drunk dialing. If you have had a few drinks and you feel compelled to pull out your phone, randomly search
through your contacts, then feel the overwhelming need to call someone; you might be a drunk dialer. If you are waking with a hangover and someone has left you a pissed off message about a call you do not remember, you probably have drunk dialed someone the night before. When your recorded phone call has become a YouTube viral success, well, you should have deleted that contact a long time ago because the person you called was an ass.
Even celebrities are not immune to drunk dialing. It is easy to find celebrity drunk dials on the web. Who could forget Mel Gibson’s crazed, drunken rant to his ex-wife. The one-time successful celebrity, in a drunken rage, left a message that guaranteed his public relations company hours of billable time trying to recover his fallen image. Howard Stern created publicity when he sent out a Twitter message on New Year’s Eve inviting people to tweet their number and he would drunk dial them. Drunk dialing seems to be all the rage these days and will perhaps just become an acceptable way of life. Until that time, try to resist the urge. Though it may be chic these days for celebrities to admit that they succumb to the need to express themselves during their moments of intoxication, the rest of us need to take a few things into consideration. So, let’s take a moment to look for the warning signs for imminent drunk dials:
- If you are feeling a little emotional after your tenth beer of the night, the idea of calling a long lost love at two in the morning is a bad decision. This will only lead to a profession of love and begging. Most likely, this person has moved on. The drunken phone call just reinforces the notion that you have not changed and are still a whiny pain in the ass. Incidentally, when I say they’ve moved on, I mean they most likely have decided that you are exactly what they didn’t want. However, if you wake their new improved significant other, then you might fall into the next situation, which is angry drunk dialing.
- If anger is the drunken emotion you are possessing, then a verbal confrontation along the lines of the aforementioned Mel Gibson is likely the outcome. Since you didn’t have the backbone to express your pent up anger when you were dating, the liquid courage you acquired from your shots of tequila not only makes the idea justified but can end in a restraining order. However, if you already had the restraining order put on you, you could find yourself sleeping it off in the local police station.
- The drunken booty call is by far the most common. The state of your meat and potatoes/wedding tackle (or any other funny euphemism for your junk) is something you should always consider before making such a call. Nothing is more embarrassing than waking someone with the promise of an exciting sexual interlude and then providing nothing more than a lame attempt and some tears.
If you find yourself absolutely unable to resist the urge to drunk dial, designate one of your most patient friends as the drunk dial receiver. Explain to them that as part of your friendship, they need to help save you from yourself. Warn them before you begin a night of drinking that they will more than likely receive a phone call from you. You could even arrange to be each other’s designated drunk dial receiver by taking turns. Other drastic measures could include purchasing a drunk-dial-as-you-go phone to take with you when going drinking or simply deleting all of your contacts from your phone before you go out. There is an anti-drunk dial phone where you have to blow into a tube before you can dial or text. Just having these for sale should indicate that this is a bigger issue than most of us know.
Until next time…
jerryb & christine