All relationships start with a first date. The first date can be a magical moment where you realize that this is someone who you would like to get to know more or for the stalker types, someone to spend your life with. Before you know, many dates later, you are in a relationship with that person and look back fondly on that first moment. Sight, sounds, and smells may remind you of that moment when the connection was first forged. The fans of romantic comedies (which for the record, my wife is not one of them); the moment usually has a cute little story that is told throughout to anyone who will listen. It seems that everyone has a little moment like this.
Not all first dates have this special little moment. The darker side of first dates is the ones that can’t end fast enough. From the second they start, there is a feeling of dread that only gets worse. These aren’t the “how I met your mother” moment but something that more closely resembles a Charlie Sheen train wreck (Winning! Not). We have all had them and most have lived through them. Some misread the signs of the bad first date and mistakenly procreated with the other person forever attaching them to us. We all know people like this. We pity them or maybe we are them.
There are a few bright neon warning signs that may indicate that this may not be the person for you.
- If your date spends the evening talking about how crazy their former boyfriend/girlfriend was and refuses to change the subject, your best bet is to find an escape route and calmly walk away from the situation. If there is that much pent up anger and fixation on the situation, the ex may not be the only psycho and also may not truly be an ex.
- If anywhere during the date, one of the parties gets arrested; this might be a sign that it isn’t going to work out too well. Nothing says trust like a pair of handcuffs but that usually doesn’t have anything to do with a jail cell.
- You know you might be in trouble when their biggest aspiration is to move out of their parent’s basement after finding a nice girl, just like mom, to settle down with. This conversation is usually mixed throughout discussion of the new first person shooter game and the last comic convention.
- If you spend a first date talking about what your date’s perfect wedding would entail, you may want to reconsider taking the relationship any further. They are clearly more interested in the wedding as an event and not the relationship that MIGHT lead up to a marriage.
- If your date asks for your financial and medical records, this is never a good sign.
Since the above list only scratched the surface, let’s review a couple of phrases to keep an eye out for on the first date.
- “My wife/husband was telling me this morning…”
- “I learned from my probation officer…”
- “When I was inside (this can be taken as prison or the psych ward)…”
- “No, that was my third baby daddy/momma…”
- “I really like Tom Cruise…”
- “You remind me of my mom/dad…”
- “No, I play in the band for a living…”
- “So, how many kids do you want? I am thinking four or five.”
The first date is an important step in any new relationship. (Without it, you probably are with a prostitute, but that is another story.) If the date is successful, it could lead to a life-long partner with the whole house and white picket fence fantasy. By following these warning signs, you may successfully avoid the inconvenience of the eminent restraining order, divorce lawyer, and costly child support (or lack thereof).
Until next time…